Can we talk about how much of a DORK Joey Votto is being at Spring Training

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Joey Votto channels his inner footballer #TheRonaldo #RedsST

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Joey gonna Joey. #RedsST

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The King Votto chalk toss #RedsST

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It’s actually upsetting to me.  I need my #1 guy to be a boss, savage, and .330 hitter all wrapped up into 1, not a complete dink celebrating like a weirdo in front of like 6 fans at Spring Training in Goodyear, Arizona.  Like would you rather have and Anthony Rizzo (a boss btw), hitting at .275 or Votto at .315?  I’m getting to the point where I think the intangible leadership (Like Rizzo) is where the real value lies.  I need a leader, a pure savage, and someone that has an unquenchable thirst for Home Runs and Votto isn’t that, and until he is I’m not gonna look at him dinking around spring training as funny.  It’s really just weird.

Peyton Manning Retires to Overshadow the Death of Nancy Reagan

 

This tweet is absolutely perfect for the headline of this article.

Peyton Manning…

Congrats on all of the regular season records? I guess? I mean it was kind of a “Bleh” career.  Let’s focus on the actual statistical categories that matter:

-Most 1 and done playoff appearances in NFL history.

-Most Playoff Losses in NFL History.

-Largest forehead in NFL History.

-Most sexual harassment allegations for QB in NFL history (tied with Brett Favre and Ben Roethlisberger)

And to top it all off he decided to announce that he is going to announce (Not a typo) his retirement on the day that American Legend, hero, and wife of the finest man to ever grace the face of this planet, Nancy Reagan passed away.

Thank you for inspiring us Nancy, and even though Peyton Manning may have forgotten what you mean to us and the United States, you can rest assured that we never will.  Rest in Peace.

 

Hue Jackson Left to Coach the Brownies

Knew it was coming. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Let’s talk about what this means for the Bengals first.

Honestly I don’t think losing Hue will be the thing that kills us (if it does at all) I think it’ll be the replacement. Like any OC candidate from the outside is going to bring his own plays, his own system. That’s why so many teams try as hard as they can to promote from within. Just to make sure that the continuity is still there. That’s just the nature of the business. The Bengals HAVE TO eventually cash in with these phenomenal coordinators that they keep cycling through, because if they don’t, they just keep getting HC jobs and then we have to start over with new coordinators, and no matter what it looks like on the field, the longer the coordinators are in place the better chance you have at winning. It’s like we are ALWAYS in year 1 of new coordinators. Like we aren’t bad enough for our OC and DC not to be snatched up, but we aren’t good enough to win A playoff game. Needs to change…

Now for Hue/the Browns:

I kinda think that the Browns are eternally cursed, but with that being said IF someone can turn it around, it’s Hue. He led the Raiders to .500 in the one and only year he was their Head Ball Coach, and they had a 10th of the talent (at the time) than the Browns currently do. Now I understand that they still don’t have a QB, but Hue is the type of coach that can take a below average guy (at QB) and get the team to 8-10 wins. Also aren’t the Browns getting Josh Gordon back next year? And their D is pretty legit, and I feel like their O-line is littered with top round draft picks. So I think they’ll be fine. That’s why I fucking HATE that he went somewhere else in the AFC North. Hue for Christ sakes go to the 49ers or someplace where we never have to see you! (Respectfully of course).

PS- They should’ve just given Marvin’s job to Hue.

 

Jeremy Hill During The Final Seconds of Bengals Vs. Steelers Tells you Exactly Why you Should LOVE Jeremy Hill

 

Jeremy Hill Bengals

 

This is heartbreaking stuff right here.  But this is exactly what you need to act like if you made the mistake that Jeremy did.  He held himself wholly accountable for the entire loss.  And him saying “NO, NO, NO” on the sideline shows me that he was pinning everything on himself and was just PRAYING for the D to pick him up and get him off the hook.  Football is the ultimate team game and that’s just what happens.  Guys fuck up and their teammates get their backs.  That’s why love, respect, and chemistry are SO vital in an NFL locker room.

Watch out for Jeremy next year on the field (and definitely in fantasy) because he is going to go the fuck OFF after going through the entire off season with that taste in his mouth.  He will be angry, and he will be effective, and I am scared for the rest of the league.

 

 

 

Vontaze Burfict Got 3 Games… THREE

PITTSBURGH — Apparently the Cincinnati Bengals left it all out on the field — and then some — in Saturday’s night’s wild-card loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Steelers guard Ramon Foster confirmed Vontaze Burfict spit on guard David DeCastro during the game, but said Foster wasn’t the only Bengals player to commit the act. 

“He wasn’t the only guy,” said Foster on 93.7 The Fan Pittsburgh on Tuesday. “I will say that he had another culprit out there with him.”  The NFL on Monday suspended Burfict for three games of the 2016 season because of multiple issues with unsportsmanlike conduct.  Foster called the spitting uncommon and a “huge offense.” In a game that surpassed chippy and got dangerous because of heavy hitting from both teams, misconduct is not entirely unexpected.

I really can’t believe it.  There have been some dirty players in this league over the years, but NEVER have I seen one treated like this.  THREE FUCKING GAMES?!?!?!? James Harrison made a name for himself by decapitating quarterbacks and helmet to helmet hits on defenseless players, and the only story lines I EVER remember about his discipline for that was the accumulation of fines upwards of $100K mark.  It’s insanity.

So you’re going to punish a guy with a THREE game suspension for even less of a history than James Harrison… I seriously can’t believe it.  If you are going to suspend him 3 games for that, they should allow him to go back onto the field and ACTUALLY drill Antonio Brown in the head full on helmet to helmet, because THAT is the only way he would even come close to getting his money’s worth.

As for the other part of this article where Ramon Foster said Burfict spit on DeCastro, and “another player” spit too, well, that’s COMPLETE bullshit.  If you are gonna make serious accusations like that and decide just not name the player, you are obviously lying.  Like everyone is throwing out names, and Foster is just gonna anonymously say “someone else” was spitting on them? Come on bro, it’s a bad look.

He is appealing and should have it reduced to 1 game, and if that doesn’t happen we (I am) are storming NFL Headquarters.

 

 

I Have a Serious Bone to Pick with Everyone Throwing Cincinnati and the Bengals Under the Bus

 

 

I keep getting on twitter or having people text me about how the Bengals deserved what happened to them, that they have no class, that they are an embarrassment to Cincinnati, and I have a HUGE problem with that.

Those fucks in Pittsburgh have ruined lives. Ben Roethisberger has ruined lives. People have literally gone to their graves hating the Steelers. If you spend 300-500 bucks to watch a playoff game 5 rows from the field you have EVERY right to throw a (empty I might add) water bottle or beer can. Hundreds and thousands of Bengals fans spend THOUSANDS on that team throughout the season, they deserve better than the product on the field in the playoffs, the Refs dictating the game, and the Steelers winning on our home turf. The LAST thing they need is to be “good sports” and give Ben fucking Roethlisberger a standing O while he gets carted off of the field. If you call the jungle “classless” and an “Embarrassment” you can go fuck yourself, nobody wants you there anyways. If you judge the few people throwing cans and bottles, then you probably don’t even care about this team or like sports in general. Probably the same exact people who wouldn’t even be watching the game if it weren’t a playoff game anyways. Before you actually bleed for your team and your city don’t throw around judgment and agree with the major media outlets because they could never understand what it’s like to be from Cincinnati.

Leonardo Being Spooked/recognizing Lady Gaga’s Butt was the Highlight of the Golden Globes

 

“Oh shit! Sorry my elbow was in the way, oh shit wait..no..sorry…but that ass though?!”- I’ve never seen more words expressed in that quick of a facial expression in my life, just 1 second and you get the whole picture.

Low key love Lady Gaga, always been a fan, but I’m even happier now that she isn’t so weird and just kinda tries to look like 50’s hot.  She’s getting a standing O from me and Leo’s eyes too.

 

 

 

 

And In the Least Surprising News Ever, The Bengals Aren’t Planning to Fire Marvin Lewis

Cincinnati– The issue of Marvin Lewis’ future in Cincinnati really isn’t much of an issue, as the Bengals have no plans to make a head coaching change at this time, sources told ESPN’s Adam Schefter.  With the Bengals’ wild 18-16 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers on Saturday, Lewis became the first NFL coach to sport an 0-7 postseason mark. Lewis, 57, has a 112-94 record with the Bengals in the regular season. He has been the team’s head coach since 2003.

….

I wish I could put a positive spin on this.  I wish I could say that continuity equals success in the NFL.  I wish I could say that Dalton being out was the reason they lost that game yesterday.  But I can’t say any of those things today.  And that’s the worst part about it.  That Andy Dalton being out is not the reason we lost that game.  You can speculate all you want about how Dalton being there makes a difference, but he is 0-4 all time in the playoffs.  And in each of those losses, he wasn’t necessarily the one to blame.  Marvin got heat each of those 4 years too, and this year it was ALL on his shoulders.  You HAVE to shake things up.

If you are a major company, and you have stagnant performance for 10 straight years, do you think that management stays intact, or would there  be a shake-up?  It’s INSANITY!  And obviuosly Marvin isn’t going to fire himself, so the blame needs to go to ownership, but if Tom Coughlin, a 2 time Superbowl winning Head Coach, got the axe this year, then what the FUCK are we doing?

Monday is going to suck.

That was Quite Simply the Most Unbelievable Thing I’ve Seen in Sports

Before I get into the Bengals role in what unfolded last night, let me first address how far Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were up Pittsburgh’s ass.  They weren’t just condemning the few drunk people that were throwing the bottles onto the field, they were painting the entire city like animals.  And then obviously shitting all over Vontaze and Pacman.  That’s a separate discussion.  But they forget that the Steelers are some of the dirtiest fucks around, that their QB has sexually assaulted someone, that Joey Porter was out at midfield confronting bengals players and wasn’t even LOOKED AT by a Referee, that we hate them, that they injured Carson Palmer for essentially 5 years and our best shot at a Superbowl… It’s all about beating them here and revenge… and we were 1:48 from doing so.

Another note, Ryan Shazier needs to be put down like a rabid dog.  The NFL is letting this Psycho run around with normal people on the field with no eyebrows.

As for the Bengals, It was all coaching.  Let me flash back to the early 4th Quarter, when GIO was already in the locker room with a concussion, and Jeremey came up gimpy after a first down catch. Rex Burkhead came into the game and ran the rock for like 3 yards.  He had the ball wrapped up like he was carrying the holy grail!  He basically sacrificed more yards to make sure the ball was secure.  I think that is the guy you put in there when you know you can’t fumble.  Like if GIO is available, put him in, but you DO NOT use Jeremey on 1st down when he got benched this season BECAUSE of fumbling.  So, to me, that’s on the coaching even though it’s obviously still on Jeremy too.

The fact that Ben Roethlisberger, was dead, then carted off the field, then comes back out, then doesn’t play when he looks like he can play; the game looks essentially over, then by the hand of god the Steelers get the ball back, then coming in and winning the game for the Steelers is the most mind boggling thing I have EVER seen.  I know that was a compound sentence, by the actual sequence of events was about as mind boggling as that sentence was.

I honestly could write an entire book about the penalties on Tez and Pac that were crucial down the stretch, but the reality is you saw them, I saw them, ESPN is going to be replaying them for the next year, so let me just talk about my major takeaway about the last drive.

MARVIN LEWIS

It is in those moments, of pressure, of importance, that you as a coach and your players need to remain composed, and calm.  I love this team, but it is clear that Marvin Lewis has taken them as far as he can.  He just wasn’t able to keep control of the situation and lead the team to a win.  The bengals basically just started to freak out as soon as the Steelers got the ball back.  They and everyone in the stadium knew what was going to happen.  It’s the steelers, and it’s us!!! We always find a way to fuck things up, you have to have a ballsy coach who is going to change that thinking.

I just picture next year.  If we get all the way back to this exact same point, then is this team going to have a better mentality?  What will have changed? The talk surrounding the Bengals will be the same, the situation will be the same, the coach will be the same.  That is why Marvin has to go.  It’s time for a change and a coach that can take this team over the top.  And if this coaching spot becomes vacant, you will be able to get whoever you want to coach it.  A fully loaded team with a quarterback? In the NFL? You can get ANYONE you want.  And it’s time to do it.

 

PS- The 2 point conversion attempt play was the worst thing I’ve ever seen, run the ball there.