Kate Upton is back!!

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I was so fucking convinced I was an ass man and then this shit comes out for the SI swimsuit that has been shooting for the last few months set to release in 2015. Making me go back on my word, turning me into a liar. Remember when Kate Upton had lost it and was getting fat and gross and the fappening happened and all that? Neither do I anymore because of those big supple pillows floating in the water like life rafts. Kate upton is back baby!

Shit Storm brewing in Cincinnati Reds Front Office today, Latos Involved… (UPDATE: Alredo Simon to Detroit)

I hated hearing about Latos, it lools like he’s gonna move, way more real than the Cespedes Talk, deal in the works according to @kenrosenthal.  This is because I think the Marlins don’t have much to offer, so this is a payroll move and maybe get some good prospects? Maybe?  But when I heard that the reds may be trading more than one starter today, it made me happy.  Sure pitching is important, but my god we need some hitting and to cut some cap space.  So i’m guessing it’ll be leake for some more hitting, maybe get a big deal done.  Maybe iglesias, the Detroit short stop.  Sorry for this blog not making any sense I’m trying to get back to twitter and monitor the situation.

We need pitching PROSPECTS if we are gonna give up both of these guys.

We got Alfredo, cueto, cingrani, bailey and that’s about all folks.  Gonna be interesting.  Need bullpen help.  PLEASE DEAL JJ HOOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: Alfredo Simon to Detroit, getting back Jonathon Crawford and Eugenio Suarez a #1 RHP prospect and .242 23 yr old SS.  Maybe give him some PT instead of Cozart.  With Cozy you know what you have.  Suarez is 23 and already hits for the same average in his first season, lets give it a shot.  Crawford is a back end starter that is possible to develop or could throw him into the bullpen, move Chapman to rotation, just outlandish theories on my part, be we’ll see.

Rate this Pete Rose Sketchers Commercial

Is it embarrassing that Pete Rose is doing Sketchers commercials? Not at all.  How many hall of famers are doing shit like this? None? Like Pete isn’t even in the hall and he’s putting a beat down on Sketcher Relaxed Fit Shoes.  Love it.  I mean Joe Montana was doing these commercials, does that take him out of the top tier QBs of all time? Hell no.  We got Joe Theisman over here doing prostate commercials and shit, and now people think getting money is embarrassing?  Na, pete is about that Guap and banging his hot young Asian wife.  Need stuff like this in my life.  If anything this puts a bug in the new commissioners ear that he needs to let Pete the fuck into the HOF.  Like Bud Selig is gone, now let the man into the hall before he croaks having some kinky sex with his young ass wife!

Pete!!!! HOF last century 2015!

2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Review, Complete with Model Power Rankings!

In what world could I ever get tired of looking at these women?  When I look at the above picture the only word(s) that come to my head are “Check Mate”.  The VS fashion show is one of my all time favorite things, but perhaps I’ve lost a taste for the show the older I’ve gotten.  How did this happen? Has it become less sexy? I don’t know!  Do the cameras focus on a butt for more than even .5 seconds anymore? I don’t think so.  The moment that your brain starts to comprehend the sexy woman on the screen it flashes onto some other crazy angle and flashing lights, it’s a mind fuck.

Some observations of the show:

Taylor has no boobs, and the fact that they are trying to convince me that she does is insulting.  (love her music)

Ariana Grande is an absolute sex pot:

Need a little sexy ethnic sexy little chick like Ari, so hot right now.

Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio are the definition of a fine wine, they are just absolute legends and they still both bring the heat, they get better with age:

Ed Sheeran has the voice of an angel, also he got a bunch of tats to take away from the fact that he’s still a huge ginger.

I have a sneaky feeling this Hozier guy fucked at least one of these models on the low, just such a dark horse that it hurts.

Now for the power rankings 1-4:

I would do top 5, but we are putting Alessandra and Adriana in a package deal at the 5 spot.

#4: Lily Aldrige

Lily used to be further down the list as a perennial viewer of the fashion show, but my God has she shot up the leaderboard.  She has this little tiny gap in between her two front teeth, which I have even begun to think is attractive these days.  She’s both an absolutely smoking hot body, I love brunettes because they are so much more rare than hot blondes and she has just got such a sexy ass face, something about her is just remarkable she’s the hardest of the top 4 to put my finger on why she makes the cut.. she just does.

#3: Behati Prinsloo

Now this is a relatively easy one. She is a smoking hot babe first and foremost but her best aspect is that she just seems like wifey material, the cutest face I’ve ever seen, that accent is kryptonite, the perfect combination of sexy and cute.

#2: Doutzen

Now Doutzen would be #1 for me in the power rankings, but I’m a man of the people so I put the obvious decision in at the one spot.  But my god Doutzen is sexy.  She’s got these blue eyes that will look through your soul, not to mention that she is the busty one of the bunch.  Anyone that knows me knows that I am an ass man that tries to tell myself that I’m an ass man, but am secretly but not secretly a boob guy.  And she is the pick of the litter when it comes to tall, skinny models that have boobs.  Not to mention that she has the hottest face and the 2nd best walk I’ve ever seen. Doutzen, love her.

#1: Candice Swanepoel

It’s like her hips are not attached to the rest of her body, like they are operating in a separate venture than the rest of her.  So sexy, she brings the sex appeal and the heat and the “I want you to fuck me” look from the end of the runway that we all want in our lives.

I’ve never really understood how these girls actively try to look sexy and successfully do it better than you could even imagine, but god damn do they pull it off.  God Bless Victoria’s Secret!

These ESPN pics of Gronk are the most confusing/amazing Thing Ever

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Love them. Don’t understand em, but love them. Now I didn’t read the article so I guess it could be about animals or cats or animal cruelty or some shit, but otherwise I don’t really get it. Love this shit. Gronk doing Gronk things, just a big goofy bully badass greatest Tight End in NFL history and he’s holding little baby animals and wearing a leopard hat thing with pockets (love those things btw). Just Gronk bein sexy as fuck bout to knock the pussy out the park like his name bae Ruth, getting ready for the playoff run.

Seriously, do those guys just not even speak to women during the playoffs? Just 100% focused on football. I’m pretty sure brady and his wife have an agreement, like “hey I’m gonna be a pretty shitty husband and father for about 2 months but then after the season you and me are gonna fuck all the time and I’m gonna spend about 20 hours a day with the kids.”
Need to know.

Good Ole’ Marvin Called Johnny Football a Midget, Had to apologize

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Quote from Marvin Lewis on 700:

“You’ll get a bit more movement if Manziel’s the quarterback,” Lewis said.”The thing that they did against Buffalo. But other than that, no, it doesn’t impact you at all. You’ve got to go defend the offense, you don’t defend the player, particularly a midget.”

Clearly Marv was pissed about giving up 25 points in the fourth quarter at home against the steelers, and when asked about Johnny Football and how great he was and how “dynamic” when he has played 2 NFL drives, Marvin wanted to say that it’s about guarding the other team, not just one player.  I think that’s valid, maybe don’t use the word midget, but his frustration is valid.

Secondly, where do Midgets come out on the word “midget”? is it offensive? Like when did we start taking offense to shit like that?  Like I’m short kinda and if somebody calls me short, do I have the right to an official statement being released by an NFL team and coach?  Like yeah it sucks that I can’t see unless I’m in the front row of the concert, but does that make it illegal, or “incorrect” for someone to call me short? Of course not.  Classic pussification of America.  Like wouldn’t midgets want to be in the news? They are never talked about, they are the forgotten people, don’t you want some free pub? Just some thoughts on the matter, and then the apology…

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How did that apology to Johnny go? Like, “Hey, sorry for calling you a Midget Johnny, you’re just way shorter than most pro quarterbacks, now go fuck yourself and see ya Sunday!!!”

Reds Looking Into Move to bring Yoenis Cespedes to Cincy

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Cincinnati-- Yoenis Cespedes was the hot name on the rumor mill in Redsland over the holiday weekend. My buddy Bobby’s barber (say that three times fast) thinks the Reds should trade Mat Latos for Cespedes.

This is all alleged.  We would be having to give up a lot, either Latos or Leake.  Anybody that thinks that it would be for Cueto is an idiot or the Reds are idiots if that happens.  Cueto is a shut down pitcher that you are only paying 10 Mill this year.

As for this move? Love it!  Need it! Just imagining Yoenis and Chapman balling out and acquiring the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Both Cuban, both have Missile arms, already are best friends. Seriously, those two came into the league together and love each other.  Next thing that pops into my head is the amount of BOMBS that Yoenis is gonna hit not only all season in Great American but also in the Home Run Derby during All-Star Weekend IN Cincinnati this summer.  The stars are aligning.  Just picturing the upgrade from Ludwick to Cespedes in Left field is giving me a boner.  We have the pitching staff to go on the road and get wins, but we should be DOMINATING at home with more power. We had a team last season meant to play out in one of those cavernous NL West parks and not in the softball field known as GABP.

This move is only for one guy, but if we get healthy, it seems like it would solve about 10 problems.  Put him and frazier/Meso in between the lefties, shit put Votto down toward the bottom the way that fuckin guy’s body has disintegrated.  This is my boner Jam of a lineup to run out on opening day.  Boom!

Lineup for 2015:

CF-Billy Hamilton

2B- Brandon Phillips

1B-Joey Votto

LF -Yoenis Cespedes

3B- Frazier

C- Mesoraco

RF- Jay Bruce

SS- Cozart

PS- If we weren’t the least ballsy team in the world during the off season and All-star break I would consider this a done deal.

Bearcats Pretty “fu**ing” Close to Joining the BIG 12

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First of all don’t want this to happen, NEED IT.  Love the idea of playing this conference in both basketball and football.  One thing is for certain, we aren’t a powerhouse at either sport, but at least before getting shafted to the AAC, we were well above average in both.  I would love to play Oklahoma, OK St., Texas, Baylor TCU in football.  And in basketball, Kansas?  Chalk it up.  Need to see these match ups.  I’ve never recruited athletes to play for me before outside of flag football and such, but I don’t imagine it hurts to drop those types of names when trying to recruit.  Plus, outside of Austin, Cincy is the only city that you’re gonna find in there for the most part.  Talk to these kids, you wanna go to school in the country or come on into the best city in the midwest and BALL OUT?!  Whatever the situation, if you get bowl eligeble in a conference like that you’re going to a better bowl than we are winning 9 games in the AAC.

My biggest question/concern is who else is gonna join the big 12?  I kinda want to be the worst program, keep the conference strong and we will make our way up.  I saw this coming about 2 years ago for three reasons:

1: Tubberville- former Big 12 coach (Texas Tech)

2:Our AD- former Big 12 AD (Colorado when they were in)

3: The Big 12 has 10 teams.

Chalk this up yesterday, let’s fire Cronin, bring back Huggins, reevaluate the football coach, and TALLY HO!!!!!!